My Theory of History

My theory of history is as follows: it's been mountain people versus valley people (that is, for example, the Balkans versus the Hungarians or the Turks), and you can never fully defeat mountain people because they have nothing to lose and they're essentially barbarians. But there's also been ongoing battles among the valley peoples, and so what has generally occurred is that large valley nations tend to fight against other large valley nations (e.g., France versus Germany or China versus Japan) by battling over (and thus occupying) smaller valley countries, e.g., Belgium, that happen to be in between them.  In fact, the most depressing cinema tends to be produced by victim valley countries (Belgium, Poland, South Korea).  When we visited Milan, another small valley country, the guide I hired to show us around the city told us that there was no art in Milan.  Why?   Because larger neighbors had been fighting over it against each other for the past 400 years, and every time a new "valley" country occupied it, it removed whatever art was there to its own museums: the Louvre, Madrid, Vienna, etc.  The only thing left was The Last Supper, which couldn't be removed because it was a wall in a building (although I'm sure if they could have found  a way . . . a la The Elgin Marbles).  Oh, and whenever a large valley people lose, then they look for someone to blame, which in Europe has tended to be the Jews, because, of course, their own incompetence or stupidity couldn't be the reason.  This pretty much explains everything there is to explain, I think.